i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
