I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize