Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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