If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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