I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize