Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize