you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
