he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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