It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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