nut hugger
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
