I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
