I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
