walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
