My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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