I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
