I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
