I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
