There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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