I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
