i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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