Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
