sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
