i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im part way to drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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