I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize