Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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