I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
