we have pet lesbian snakes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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