I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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