So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
