found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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