What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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