Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
