Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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