either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
