Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
