i think i have two assholes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize