Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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