my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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