i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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