i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize