Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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