Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
