So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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