so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
