i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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