If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Buhtt sex?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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