So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
