he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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