i used baking grease as lip gloss
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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