If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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