she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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