Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
