For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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