help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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