pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
