You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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