grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
