i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
