Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize