It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize