After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
