New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
