I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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