apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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