This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
