Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
